Do you struggle with the question, “Why am I not good enough?” Do you look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What is wrong with me!?”
Or worse yet, do you look in the mirror and simply say, “You are NOT good enough. Never have been, never will be.”
- Find it difficult to accept compliments?
- Feel that you are not attractive or intelligent enough?
- Constantly compare yourself to others?
- Minimize your strengths and talents?
- Take everything personally?
- Blame yourself for being rejected?
- Believe that you don’t deserve good things?
- Punish yourself for mistakes, both past and present?
If you struggle with any of these things, it has a decided impact on the quality of your life on a daily basis.
It affects your relationships, your job performance, and the amount of joy you have in life. In short, it can rob you of everything that makes life worth living.
Unfortunately, I get it. I have been there, said it, and firmly believed that I had no worth. It’s a dark, lonely, and sad place to be.
Sister, I SEE you. I have been where you are, and I want to help you begin to see more clearly that it doesn’t have to be this way. I want to inspire you to quit asking “Why am I not good enough”. I want to help you KNOW that you ARE good enough right now!!
And the best part is, understanding you are enough now does not stop you from reaching even higher to becoming the best version of yourself that you can imagine being.
You are ENOUGH! I promise.
This article will introduce some practical ways to make changes in your life, one day at a time, that will allow you to see the truth about yourself and walk out of the darkness.
So, let’s dive in.
First, before we talk about strategies to overcome the lie, we need to understand the HOW and WHY of how we got to the point of asking why we are not good enough, to begin with.
When Did You Begin to Believe “I am not good enough”?
I believe that there are two primary ways we learn “I am Not Good Enough,” one from our past and one from our inner voice. It is not uncommon for an experience/s from our past to create a nasty inner voice.
Answering this question can be challenging and requires some weighty introspection. It can be very uncomfortable. Often words or events from our past that are painful are not places we like to visit.
I will give you an example from my own life. I said I have been there, and I have. Unfortunately, I learned very early on in life to question “why am I not good enough”?
I was lucky; my mother was loving, kind, supportive, and encouraging. She never made me feel like I was anything but awesome.
On the flip side, my father left us several times when I was young and finally disappeared altogether when I was around 11. I believe that started my personal journey into “I am not good enough.”
Though it can be difficult, I urge you to try to ascertain when you first started feeling “not good enough” as it can be beneficial in your journey forward.
Possible Reasons You Continue to Believe You are Not Good Enough
You have a critical inner voice.
I distinctly remember thinking one day, “My own dad doesn’t want me; I must really be junk.”
And that started me down a rabbit hole that has taken me DECADES to get out of. From age 11 forward, my inner voice told me all kinds of lovely variations of “you are not good enough.”
And I believed them all.
Even though my mother regularly contradicted that statement, somehow, I let that inner voice get deeply rooted, and that was all that felt true to me.
As I matured, my inner monologue included things like “You are not smart enough,” “You are not good enough,” “You can’t do anything right,” and on and on.
My inner voice was judgmental, negative, critical, and sickeningly mean.
What kind of things is your inner voice saying to you? Have you developed a pattern of listening to and believing the worst possible things about yourself?
If so, you are not alone. In fact, I know that if you have given up on yourself, you probably aren’t even aware of that nasty little voice in your head most of the time.
It is a serious problem when we stop being conscious of what our inner voices say because it can drive a lot of what we do, how we feel, and what we believe.
The exciting thing is, no matter how deeply rooted your inner voice is, you CAN change it if you want to.
You may have been exposed to critical people.
If you have parents, friends, or family members that constantly tell you that you are not good enough, it is EASY to start believing it yourself.
We are all exposed to some degree of negative and critical people in our lives.
You know what I mean. We all know “that person” that just dwells in negativity at all times. They never have anything nice or positive to say. They just kind of suck all the joy out of the room.
Those that are critical, mean, or demeaning will undoubtedly impact us, especially if we let them get deep into our hearts and minds.
If you are trying to overcome the belief that you are not good enough, it is crucial that you surround yourself with people who see your worth and encourage and uplift you.
It is of the utmost importance that you take power back and remember that no one else can determine your worth!
You may spend time comparing yourself to others.
If you compare your body, accomplishments, looks, home, family, career, etc., to others, you will often believe you come up short.
You simply can not compare yourself to another human being. We are all uniquely created with our own talents and challenges.
I can almost guarantee you that anyone you are comparing yourself to is struggling with their own demons of some kind. That’s just reality.
But we do ourselves such a disservice when we play the “compare” game.
If you are someone who spends a lot of time feeling less than, not good enough, or unworthy, I urge you to stop comparing your life with others. It will only keep you stuck in believing that there is something lacking.
It is so freeing to go about our lives without this weight on our shoulders and just appreciate the unique creation that we are.
How do You Talk to Your Best Friend, Mother, Sister, or Daughter?
Would you ever dream of saying to your best friend, mother, sister, or daughter:
- You are really disgustingly fat!
- No one is ever going to want to share their life with you!
- You are too stupid to be valued at work!
No? Really? Why not? I bet you say things like that to YOURSELF all the time. Am I right?
So why are you willing to say things to yourself that you would never say to anyone else?
Really think about this. I know we have all heard some version of this advice before. There is a reason for that: It’s TRUE!!
I was putting myself down one day, and my dear friend turned and looked at me and said, “Stop talking about my best friend that way!” It made me stop and stare at her.
And it really hit home. She was right. I was saying things about myself that I would NEVER, EVER say to, or about, anyone else.
A lightbulb went off in my head and I really started paying attention to this dialogue difference. When a friend came to me, I noticed that I would listen, empathize, and encourage her.
I would remind her how awesome she is and not to be too hard on herself. She was doing a great job, and I was proud of her, and she should be too.
I was 100% sincere every single time. And yet, NONE of that grace did I EVER extend to myself.
This is a huge lesson, my friend. If you are saying things to yourself, or about yourself, that you would not say to or about your best friend, your mom, your sister, or your daughter, YOU HAVE TO STOP!!
Yes, this can take time to change, but let me ask you this: Do you have to work hard at not belittling the lovely ladies in your life? I bet you don’t.
So maybe you can start to treat yourself as one of those lovely ladies too? Yes?
So let’s turn the table now.
Reasons Why You are ABSOLUTELY Good Enough Exactly as You Are
In order to overcome the lie that you aren’t good enough, let’s start with a few reasons why you absolutely ARE good enough.
- You are uniquely you. You have your own set of talents and gifts, and you bring something to the table that no one else does. Don’t forget this!
- You are here. We all struggle in life, but you are still here to tell your story. Your time on earth is a precious gift that no one else has had.
- You are full of untapped potential. The world is hungry for who you were created to be. Do not underestimate your ability to bring something extraordinary into this world!
- You are trying. You get up every day and you give it your all. Your life touches others even if you don’t realize it.
- You don’t need permission to be yourself! Don’t let anyone else dictate what you think or feel or say or like or how you do life. Be true to YOU!!
- There is nothing you can do to “earn” being good enough. You simply are.
Strategies to Use to Overcome “Why Am I Not Good Enough?”
Start a journal. Every day write down one thing you like about yourself. “I have nice hair,” “I am kind to others,” etc.
Just one thing every day. You will be amazed how just that one act can start to change your internal voice.
Use affirmations as a way of retraining your inner talk. Don’t try to use them like a magic wand. It’s not magic. But affirmations can be powerful when used properly.
For example: If you are really struggling with your body image right now and your self-talk is something like “You are a fat, disgusting pig,” then trying to use the affirmation of “I love my body” is not going to work.
It’s too big of a leap. Yes, it’s an excellent goal for where you want to get to, but let’s be real, it’s gonna take some time.
So maybe start with a more neutral affirmation first: “I appreciate the capabilities of my body – I can walk, move, see and hear.” You get the idea.
Start with something neutral that is a fact. As you progress in your journey of believing you are enough, you can change your affirmations accordingly.
Treat yourself like your best friend.
I’ll repeat it. Treat yourself with the same respect that you give to your best friend. You would not talk to or about your best friend the way you do about YOU!
So stop it. Stop saying things that you wouldn’t say to anyone else!! When you start to hear that critical voice, acknowledge it, and try replacing it with a neutral or positive thought instead.
Try to flip it in your mind as though your best friend just came to you with the same thought about herself. What would you say to her? Give yourself that speech!
Stop the comparisons
When you start to hear yourself comparing yourself to someone else, STOP. Make a conscious effort to recognize what you are doing.
Recognize that you are making comparisons and catch yourself right before you start thinking anything negative about yourself.
Make a pointed effort to use a positive affirmation instead.
Remind yourself that you are unique and special. You don’t need to be like anyone else.
Be authentically you! You are ENOUGH!
Start a Self-Care practice.
If you are anything like I used to be, self-care is not a priority in your life. That is another side-effect of the “I am not good enough” lie. You don’t take care of yourself.
Self-care is NOT selfish. It is an essential part of your mental and emotional well-being. And it is one of the best things you can do for yourself AND those around you.
Work with a mental health professional.
Look, dealing with a detrimental belief like “I am not good enough” can be difficult. It can be painful. There is no reason to go it alone.
Work with a therapist, counselor, spiritual advisor, or support group to help you work through these feelings and gain personal insight into your life.
There is no shame in asking for help, and it is actually more beneficial than trying to do this alone.
*Vulnerable moment* Yes. I see a counselor. She has been fantastic in helping me to confront internal beliefs that do not serve me well.
She has given me a safe space to explore the feelings that I was ignoring for so long. I can honestly say I am in a MUCH better place now than I was a few years ago. I will never regret my decision to work with a counselor.
When you decide to take the reigns of your life and change directions, a support system can be a crucial part of the journey.
It is essential to know that you are good enough.
“At the end of the day darling, you are enough. You always have been. It may have taken you awhile to see that and to finally reach this place, but you have always been enough.”— Lacey Ramburger, Being Whole
You have the power within yourself to change your thoughts, so don’t let your past dictate who you are now or what you will become in the future.
I want to help empower you by providing you with tools and techniques you can use today, starting right now!
Some of these include journaling, starting a self-care practice, and positive affirmations.
Remember to be patient and kind with yourself. It takes time to retrain your inner voice and to establish new beliefs.
You will have bad days and setbacks. That’s okay. Just keep getting back up and trying again.
The effort of changing your belief from “I am not good enough” to “I AM ENOUGH” is worth it. Finding joy in your life after believing you didn’t deserve any is absolutely exhilarating.
Take it from me. If I can do it, I know you can too!
Would you please let me know in the comments below if any of these ideas inspired you? Also, let me know what other strategies you may use to overcome the lie of not being good enough!
With Love and Acceptance,