The Power of Self-Talk: Why What You Say to Yourself Matters

Self-talk is that inner voice that lives in your head.  It’s narrating for you all day long.  You may not be aware of it, but if you pay attention, you will see that it is there.  Your self-talk matters because it impacts how you feel, how you perceive things around you, and what kind of decisions you make.

For many women, that inner voice became a “mean girl” early on in life and got worse over the years.

But here’s the thing: self-talk matters more than you think. They are not just harmless words in your mind.  Your thoughts shape your perception, not only of yourself but of your place in the world, as well.

Young woman looking in mirror with a smile holding up her fist. Self-Talk Matters in text on image.

Why Self-Talk Matters

Studies have shown that the language we use in self-talk directly influences our mood, emotions, and physical health.

Your inner dialogue can either bolster your confidence or rip it to shreds. If your inner voice is constantly negative, it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you believe you’re not good enough and tell yourself that often enough, that belief will eventually start to show up in your behavior.

Positive Self-Talk – Is it Just Narcissism?

It’s important to understand that positive self-talk does not equal narcissism or self-deception.  That’s not what we are after here.  What we are working towards is showing yourself some compassion and kindness.  You know, the things you show everyone else in your life!

Think of positive self-talk as simply showing yourself the same respect that you would show someone else. It’s a sad state of affairs when we forget that we deserve that, too.

The Consequences of Negative Self-Talk

When you constantly tell yourself that you’re not enough, you will soon begin to believe it. And therein lies the problem.  That conversation going on in our minds translates to our actions.  Over time, negative self-talk can affect:

  • Mental health: Studies show that repetitive negative thinking contributes to anxiety, depression, and stress.
  • Self-Esteem: The more you tell yourself that you’re not good enough, the more your confidence tanks.
  • Physical health: Negative self-talk has been linked to increased levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), affecting everything from your sleep to your immune system.

So, what can you do about it?

The good news is that you can change your self-talk, and it starts with learning to be aware of your inner dialogue.

Transform Your Self-Talk: Actionable Steps

Now, it’s essential to understand that this is not an overnight change.  As lovely as it would be to snap your fingers and transform your self-talk overnight, that’s not really how it works.

It’s a process that takes time. But be encouraged and remember that every small step you take on this journey is getting you closer to your goal of having positive self-talk.

Here are some actionable steps to help you get started:

Woman smelling pink flowers. Text says "Speak to yourself the same way you speak to the one you love most" Teresa/PINR

1. Build Awareness Around Your Self-Talk

You cannot change your self-talk until you become aware of it. I know for years, I was so used to saying terrible things to myself that I literally got to the point of not realizing HOW OFTEN my thoughts about myself were brutally negative.  

While this may seem counter-intuitive, it’s not. You may think not acknowledging your negative thoughts is the way to go, but ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist is not the answer.  

You have to be aware of the problem to address it.

2. Challenge Those Negative Thoughts

When a negative thought sneaks into your mind, I want you to stop. Before doing anything else, just notice it WITHOUT judging yourself. This is a no-judgment zone, okay?

Then, I want you to question it. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” “Do I have any evidence to disprove this?”

More often than not, when you examine the thought, you will realize that it’s not true or that it is exaggerated.

For example, if you think, “I’m a failure,” ask yourself, “Have there been times I was successful in the past?”

It’s important to start providing yourself with proof that the thought doesn’t actually represent the truth.

3. Use Positive Affirmations

Okay, you all know I am a huge fan of positive affirmations. I have already written an entire article about them. They are a massive help in retraining your mindset.

If you would like additional help on how to start using positive affirmations to improve your self-talk, you will want to check out my workshop on this topic.  

It’s designed to help you gently and effectively use positive affirmations to change your self-talk in a way that feels natural and honest.

Image states "Spotlight Workshop: Improve Your Self-Talk with Positive Affirmations on a burgundy background with a small image of 2 affirmation cards and woman in a garden.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is a necessary component to overcoming negative self-talk. Our nasty self-talk is often linked to being critical and harsh with ourselves.  

Can you imagine talking to your best friend, mother, daughter, or sister like you speak to yourself? Probably not. So remember that when you are talking to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to them, you should NOT be saying it to yourself.

You deserve the same kindness and compassion that you so generously give to others.

5. Create a Positive Environment

No, I am not proposing that you move to rainbow town where everyone pretends life is all skittles and rainbows. That’s not helpful. But I am suggesting that you support yourself with things that uplift and encourage you to remember how amazing you are.

Find podcasts that encourage you. Read books that teach you how to embrace self-love. Surround yourself with friends and family that believe in your value and worth.

If someone is flooding you with negativity or insisting that you are not good enough in some way, steer clear. You don’t need that.  

Now, for clarity, I am not suggesting that you should resist all constructive feedback. We are all human and have room for improvement. That’s not what I am referring to here.  

I am referring to those energy vampires that come around and suck all the happiness and joy out of the room. If someone like that starts tearing you down, run! That’s a reflection of who they are, NOT YOU!

6. Consider Support From Someone You Trust

Sometimes, negative self-talk is deeply ingrained, and breaking free from it may require additional support. Therapy can be super effective in learning how to change negative self-talk. You might seek out a therapist, counselor, spiritual advisor, or a trusted friend.

There is no shame in seeking support. I spent 5 years with my counselor during a time in my life that was super difficult. Her perspective and insights were very helpful in my healing.  

Final Thoughts: You Are Worth Your Own Effort

Changing your self-talk isn’t about becoming overly positive or ignoring your challenges. I like to call this constantly shooting rainbows and glitter out of your backside.  It’s just not realistic.

Instead, it’s about treating yourself with kindness and respect and acknowledging your worth. Your self-talk 100% shapes how you show up in the world. By learning how to change your inner conversations from negative to positive, you can begin to unlock a more empowered, confident, and fulfilled version of yourself.

Remember, you are absolutely worthy of your own compassion, kindness, and respect, just as you are. Changing how you speak to yourself is a powerful step toward realizing that truth!

I believe in you, my friend! You can do this!

With Love and Acceptance,

Teresa

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