What If This Isn’t All There Is?

How One Breaking Point Turned Into the Self-Love Journey That Saved My Life

There was a time in my life when I was truly at the end of my rope. (At that time, the concept of a “self-love journey” meant nothing to me. I couldn’t have even told you what the hell that meant.)

But the one question that kept plaguing me was:

“Is this really all there is?”

I asked my mom.
I asked my husband.
But mostly? I asked myself. Over and over again.

Usually late at night, lying in bed or standing in the shower too long because it was the only place I could cry without being interrupted.

Because I was exhausted. Miserable. Completely disconnected from my life. I had reached a point of hating myself and hating my life.

And deep down, I was terrified that what I was experiencing—this daily drag through survival, this gray fog of burnout and people-pleasing—was just how life was going to be.

There were no big moments of joy. Just tiny pockets of laughter here and there — and a whole lot of sadness, frustration, resentment, and numbness in between.

I’d wake up, drag myself through the motions, come home, and collapse.

And then I’d do it all again the next day.

I wasn’t living. I was barely surviving. And I never said a word.  

Because how do you say, “I hate my life, and I am totally miserable,” without your family and spouse being like, “Wow. Thanks for that!”  

I didn’t know how to explain that it wasn’t THEM. This was a profoundly “ME” problem. This was me not being happy with WHO I WAS!! But I felt guilty…….

I Finally Realized I Had Two Choices

I could keep drowning in the exhaustion, slide deeper into the identity of the miserable woman who sucks the joy out of every room…

Or believe—in the smallest way—that maybe life could be more than this.

And if I’m being honest?

Part of me was already disappearing. I was starting to become the woman I swore I’d never be—resentful, bitter, drained, with a fake smile and a dead stare.

And that scared the hell out of me.

I didn’t know what “more” looked like. I didn’t have a plan. Hell, I didn’t even know what I was looking for.

But I made a decision:

I was determined to find a better way. I wanted a life that felt fulfilling. Meaningful. A life that made me excited to wake up and live it.

A life with joy. With purpose. With me in it. Surely, that wasn’t asking for too much… right?

I didn’t know it then, but that was the exact moment my self-love journey began.

The Lies I Had to Unlearn to Unlock Self-Love

You know what made this journey harder than it needed to be? All the lies that I had accepted as truth.

Turns out, I had to fight against everything I’d ever been taught.

Society already likes to tell women who they should be and what they should do. Now, add to that being a member of a church that dictates every facet of your life in the most toxic of ways.

I acknowledge that it was a cult, now. And I don’t say that lightly. It’s actually listed as a cult by many…. but that’s a story for another day. Suffice it to say that the teachings from this church were as toxic as they come.

Because in that world, anything that focused on loving yourself was a sin.
Caring for yourself? Wanting more? Even liking yourself?

Wrong. Selfish. Dangerous.

If I had needs or dreams, I was told I was selfish and/or lacked faith.
That I wasn’t spiritual enough. That I needed more prayer. More humility. More service.

“Die to self,” they said. So I did.

I disappeared in the name of righteousness. And I called it faith.

So, when I say my journey started with unlearning, I mean it. I had to start examining everything I believed, especially about myself.

And here’s what I finally learned:

Self-love isn’t selfish. It’s survival.

And the more I started to break away from those beliefs, the more I realized just how deeply they had rooted themselves in my body, my mind, and my soul.

The Truth I Found That Opened the Door

I didn’t have a roadmap. It was a very frustrating experience. Back then, self-love was not quite the hot topic it is nowadays. So, trying to find help when I didn’t even know what I was looking for was pretty damn hard.

I tried a lot of things. Some helped. Some didn’t.  

But slowly—accidentally—I started discovering what I now call my 4 Pillars.

These are the core of everything I teach, model, and live by now.

They didn’t come in a divine download. (Though, I would have appreciated that an awful lot!)

They came from trial, error, healing, and learning what actually works.  

I didn’t know it back then, but I was slowly laying the foundation for what I now call my 4 Pillars. They were the first things that helped me catch my breath… and eventually, helped me rise.  

Now, I want to share them with you.

The 4 Pillars That Changed Everything on My Self-Love Journey

Remember, these came from real pain, real trial and error, and a whole lot of unlearning. These were the lifelines I grabbed when I was drowning. The anchors that finally held me steady.

Each of them deserves a deep dive—and that’s coming soon in a 4-part series.

But for now? Here’s a look at the foundation that helped me rebuild from the inside out.

1. Self-Acceptance

You cannot love what you don’t accept. Period.

This had to come first. It was the starting line for everything to come.

Until I could accept all of me—the flaws, the mess, the dreams, the doubts—I couldn’t move forward.

Sometimes, it looked like standing in the mirror, trying not to cry… and deciding to stay anyway.

Look, I’m not a doctor or therapist. I’m just a woman who’s walked through some really dark places and found her way out.

But I do believe in evidence. And yes, there is research that backs this up.

👉 Harvard Health confirms that higher self-acceptance is linked to better mental health, emotional resilience, and stronger self-esteem.

2. Mindset

Mindset isn’t just a pillar. It’s a critical part of the process, and it’s the thread that weaves through every part of the journey. It will be difficult to embrace the other pillars if you aren’t addressing your mindset every step of the way.

My mindset was shaped by religion, trauma, and people-pleasing.
I had to dismantle those voices before I could hear my own.

Mindset was the voice that once told me I was selfish… and eventually became the one that whispered, “You deserve more.”

And yep—science agrees.

👉 Studies show that mindfulness-based practices can literally rewire your brain for self-worth, emotional regulation, and identity transformation.

3. Self-Love

Not the surface-level kind. Not the “just think positive!” kind. (That is toxic positivity and NOT what we are about around here!) Not the perfectly filtered aesthetic with glowing skin and bubble baths.

I’m talking about the kind of self-love that says:

• “I am worthy even when I mess up.”
• “I deserve kindness from myself.”
• “I matter.”

All of this takes time, Doll. Absolutely nothing we are talking about is an overnight process. However, here is one more study to help you gain confidence that these pillars truly do move the needle on your self-love journey.

👉 Dr. Kristin Neff’s research shows that self-compassion reduces anxiety, boosts resilience, and improves your physical health.

4. Self-Care

Not just spa days and candles (though trust me, I love both!!).

This is the kind of self-care that liberates—not just soothes. This is self-care for the body, mind, and soul.

Boundaries.
Rest.
Nourishment.
Saying no when everything in you was taught to say yes.

Self-care was deleting numbers I used to beg for validation from.
It was napping without guilt.
It was finally learning to breathe.

👉 Forbes reports that boundaries are the most powerful—and most underused—form of self-care.

I Didn’t Know I Was Building a Self-Love Framework

I Just Knew I Needed to Feel Like Me Again.

But over time, these four pillars became the foundation that helped me rise.
They’re what I come back to on the hard days.
They’re what I teach the women I serve.
They’re the reason I do this work now—because I know what it’s like to live without them.
And I know what it’s like to reclaim them, one step at a time.

And why did I decide to share this framework? Because I don’t believe in gatekeeping information that can transform lives. Full Stop.  

If I had been able to find all the information in one place, it would have made a massive difference in my journey.

So, if I can share something that helps you on your journey or makes you feel less alone, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.

❓ FAQ: Real Questions Women Ask When They’re Just Starting Their Self-Love Journey

  
“What if I don’t know where to start?”
You don’t need a 10-step plan.  You just need one decision: to stop abandoning yourself.  Start there. That’s how mine began, too.

“I feel selfish even thinking about self-love. What do I do with that?”
You’re not selfish.  You’re conditioned. It takes time to change your beliefs when they have been deeply ingrained for so long. Just open yourself to the possibility and be gentle with yourself. Beliefs don’t shift overnight, but they DO shift.

“How long does this take?”
As long as it takes. There’s no timeline for coming home to yourself.
But every small act of self-trust adds up. You’re not behind. You’re becoming. You will see changes all along the way. Make sure you celebrate each one.  

“Can I really change if I’ve felt this way for decades?”
YES. You’re living proof of your own survival. I was in my 40s when I started my journey. I know women who started in their 60s. You are never too old or too late!

💥 Want More?

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be releasing deep-dive posts on each of the 4 pillars:

Self-Acceptance
Mindset
Self-Love
Self-Care

If any of this touched a nerve or resonated in some way, I hope you will stick around. We can walk this journey together. If you want to know when the new articles drop, make sure you are on my email list.  

Finally, know this: I am not promising that ANY of this will be easy. It won’t be. But I do promise you it is absolutely worth it. It’s time for you to step into who you were meant to be.

With Love and Acceptance,

Teresa